Love declaration

Because I love you, I am writing this now. Maybe it is too late, maybe I should have done it earlier, but the song says "only know your lover when you let her go." I always write about unfulfilled dreams and lost love; I have always written out of sadness and misery, I did it to help maybe a little bit the broken heart; the truth is I don't know how joy looks on the paper. I write with tears and my soul is full of tears. As you already know, my dear, I am broken in tousand of pieces and I don't even know what made me this way. There is something about this world that makes me feel really sad; there are those people that have lived and loved and all their hopes and dreams are burried deep under the ground. In a way, I think you could say I was born already sad. Everywhere around me I see misery and this only makes me go deeper in my own misery.
  In a way, I love you more than I love myself. Love myself - that is a weird concept - regarding that are days when I hate myself more than I can say. You know me, I am not the emo kind, nor the depressive one. I laugh and have fun every day, but this is only possible because I try really hard to burry the demons. Oh, and there are so many demons and obsessions and borders and limits... In a way, I know I am not different than anyone else. All those people I meet daily - I am pretty sure they worry as much as I do. Because - you see - you close your eyes once and you turn 20, you close them twice and life is almost finished. So much misery, so many things and people to love on earth and all for what? Life just seems like a sweet dream with a bitter end, because all good dreams finish with the bitter end of the waking up. Maybe we are just asleep - dreaming of something that will never happen - maybe death is just waking up.
  You see, for me it is really hard to tell someone how I feel. I don't know why - maybe this is how I was born. You see, maybe I am too fucked up to even be in a relationship. I am afraid when you finally realize how many pieces are there to pick up you will give up. Nevertheless, I love you with all my heart and I will not let go. Because without love there is no hope for me. Without love, there is no hope at all.