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Short history of Romania for dummies



        Beginnings:
I will be blunt and tell the history of Romanians, very briefly though. We were basically some nice primitive Dacian (part of the Thracians) people living peacefully in this place when in the beginning of the second century the Romans came and conquered us. Basically our blood is nowadays half Dacian and half Roman and, even though some people are really proud of this, there isn't really anything to be proud of : some barbarians came by, killed all the men and raped the women for centuries, but then, I dare you to show me a single nation who wasn't born out of rape! Nothing to be proud of, nothing to be ashamed about, so let's move on.
     The language:
 Our language is one of the five Romance languages ( together with Spanish, Portuguese, Italian and French) and it is said that in some aspects ( like the grammar one) it is the closest to the old Latin language.
     Threesome.
When I was younger, I used to say that a Roman legionnaire was raping a Dacian woman and then a Slavic guy came by and they ended up having a three some. When they got tired of our great-great-great-etc. grandmothers, the Slavic bastards left, of course they left us a little bit of Slavic blood and a little bit of Slavic words, enough for Polish People at work to believe we speak similar languages. We really don't.
    The habibie era.
 Then, some habibi people tried really hard to fuck us, that's why we love doing belly dance on so-called "manele" at parties. They also left us with what we proudly call nowadays our national food - except it isn't. ( sarmale, mititei, etc.)
  When the Indians crushed the party.
Now - I know at least one of my co-workers will fight me on this and will be really pissed off, but I have read books, articles, etc. about this, so it's really pointless. Centuries ago, Indian parias were thrown out of India and they migrated towards Europe. They found shelter in several European countries, the most welcoming was - of course - Romania. ( we are this kind people who really can't say no to anything, that's basically the main reason we ended up so fucked these days. Everyone came by uninvited and we said "But, please, be my guest, eat my food, steal my belongings, fuck my wife, everything that makes you feel good.") Now - of course after centuries of living with them, we have a little bit of gypsy blood within us; Am I pissed when people say Romanians are gypsies? Yes, I am. Why? Because gypsies are well known for stealing and shitty character and I know for a fact my folks and I never stole a penny in our lives. Fuck, when my boss put me one hour I didn't work on the paycheck, I went telling him, this is how un-gypsy I am!
   Nowadays.
 We have a lot of ingredients in our mixture, but basically we are Dacians conquered by the Great Roman Empire. Therefore, the name. Roman - Romanian, they do sound alike, don't they? Do we have gypsy blood inside us? Probably yes, a small percentage, but yes. ( now, if all the women starting from ones great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother decided to have intercourse only with gypsies, then I guess one has a higher amount of gypsy blood within themselves.) But you don't have to wonder whether I am gypsy or not; take a trip to Romania and you will recognize them immediately. Immediately.
  What I wanted to say is that we - humans, in general - are so much more than nationality or skin color and I really can't understand this need of us to classify everything. I guess we do it because we believe that by classifying things, we get closer to them, we get to understand them better, but I truly believe that trying to put humans into categories is not only pointless, but also infantile. If you want to put people into categories, you will end up with 7 billion categories, because it is true what they say : each of us is unique. Yes, we are so similar from times to times, yes, we recognize ourselves in other's actions, but then there are small things that change everything. Do you like the same food I do? Yes. Do you listen to the same music I do, do you also get pissed off when people are telling lies? Yes. But - do you dream the same dreams I do, do you watch the stars on the clean summer sky from my eyes, do you feel the exact same way I do when you look into my eyes? No. So - people! It is high time for us to understand and embrace the fact that we are different and being different is exactly what makes us beautiful. There aren't Romanians, gypsies and other ethnicities, there aren't straight and gay people, black and white, there are 7 billions shades of grey. There are only humans.
 
  

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