Boyfriend's horrible noises woke me up at 7; he almost puked his soul out and it was, of course, all because of my cooking. (what can I, I cannot be smart, funny, cute, sexy and also a good old style wife!) I was tired, but not that much; recently, I have given up Coffee completely and it's like I've finally been truly awake for the first time in years. (This feeling of well being happened after horrible withdrawal sympthoms which I don't wish even to my worst enemy to experience). Boyfriend said perhaps they would ask me to come to work today. No freaking way, I am a student, I couldn't, even if I wanted, there is only this much I can work. Hm. But...hm...they are going to be fucked, aren't they? Hm...ok,ok, I'll go, don't have to get down on your knees now!!! I swear, there are days when there is nothing I despise more than my hero complex. Help them all, be a good samaritan while secretly pray to God there will be no one there to tell you that you actually came because you are desperate about money. Please, God, let there be no one today to break my heart into tiny little pieces! :(
I had a feeling that they uploaded the results from Module 2 exam - it would have been too early, so highly unlikely, but wasn't I the one who guessed my sibling's gender the moment I found out mum was pregnant? (Well, I probably just really hoped it won't be a girl, I would hate it if I had a sister, I am that much of an attention seeker!) So, guided by forces more powerful than me, I entered Intrapol and, voila, I must be a freaking psychic!!!
People get confused by the Danish grading system and by people, I also include 5 milions Danes. For me, it was easy and predictable today. Let me explain: there was a final grade made out of three evaluations which counted like this: 20% + 20% + 60%. My first two grades where: 15% and 19%. Now - I know I totally nailed the last evaluation (oh, sweet modesty, where did you go today??), but I also know I had to do it perfectly for them to even consider giving me a 12(the highest grade in weird Danish system.) And even if I did that well, they will be all like: "buuut she hasn't said a single word the whole module, she can't be that smart to get a 12!" and I wouldn't blame them. By 15, I was a published writer, so I really knew my shit when it came to literature and grammer. I got only clean 10's on my papers, but my Romanian teacher, who God knows, really loved me, threatened me that I won't get my final average grade a 10 if I don't stop being a mute in class; she wanted to push me, so I will start answering in class, but you must be proud to find out that I was ambitious enough to stay mute until the semester was over ;) She didn't know back that I was so honest to myself and to others that I would embrace a 9 as a final grade, if that meant I was all 10's in writing and 6 in oral things. Oral school things, I mean. ;)
So - I knew from the moment I finished the paper I will most likely get a 10. It was the most logical thing, considering all facts. On the other hand, "Low self esteem" Georgiana feared she would get a 7; "Extremely low self esteem" Georgiana feared she did such a horrible paper that they will tell her she is too retarted to even live on this planet, so they must sent her to Mars asap. Optimistic Georgiana hoped for a 12. (I really didn't meet "optimistic Georgiana" that many times.) "Realistic Georgiana" knew she did exactly for a 10.
You see - I have accomplished so many things, yet I do have a low self confidence. It partially comes from my inborn introverted nature, partially from growing up with a "difficult" father, partially from developing all sort of phobias and compulsions. Or maybe I am fearful because of crazy weird childhood. You see, it is difficult to establish exactly what led to what, which one of the factors was the actual cause and which ones were the results; whose hands hold the knife, whose hands caressed the wounds. What is the trigger to all the madness; and I do get mad often, all of us do; in my darkest moments, I am crying, shaking and obsessing. In my darkest moment, I wonder why do I even try. But then, there are those cute usual days when you just feel everything's right, without a particular reason; when you realise there are not only few great humans out there, but more than 7 billions and you are one of them. Today is one of those days. Today, I am "optimistic Georgiana". Or, even better, today I am "too much high esteem" Georgiana. (Since a lot of stupid people do it daily for no reason, why can't I do it also for a day?)
So - have a great Friday night, everyone, whatever is it that you choose to do. As for me, I will be the queen of the kitchen for one more time. ( did I mention I suck at cooking? Well, I happen to make the most adorable and fast maki rolls, drop by to see me in action. What? You're asking me if know how to boil the rice? Of course not, haven't I not mentioned I suck at cooking? :D)
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