Today we were having lunch and I was of course pressured by the same question: what do you want for you B-day? when a girl with cute small tattoos on her back passed by and I said "I want a tattoo". Boyfriend reacted like some cold water has just been poured on him (although considering the actual heat, that would be rather nice!) and his answer felt just like a slap - or a 1000 slaps :"as long as you are with me, you will never get a tattoo; if this happens, I will dump you immediately!" I was both amused and annoyed by his reaction: how come he didn't know I was fooling around? After three years of relationship he should know better that I share his opinions about tattoos. But then, how can he react like Hitler since he knows better than anyone else that I have lived with a Hitler for 20 years and I really really really can't stand being told that I am allowed or not to do something? You see - what you need to know about me is that I will do the opposite of what I am told to do, always. I think a smart man (not that he isn't smart, maybe just young!) would have said to me "I love the idea of you getting a tattoo, let's do it asap; I hope it doesn't hurt as bad as they say it does and I heard it might be tricky to find a saloon that practices good hygiene, I have read somewhere that 3 out of 10 people are likely to get some weird infection from a tattoo saloon." Instead, he decided to say "no, you won't do it!", even though he knows how much I hate being told that; even though he knows I will do whatever I am being told I am not allowed to. I mean, great, now I HAVE TO get a tattoo, even though I really don't feel like!
He asked me :"would you prefer being lied to than being told the truth?". Well - firstly, it's not lie, it's manipulation, two very different things and secondly, I think the sooner you accept that manipulation is necessary for a good healthy relationship, the better. I mean - manipulation means knowing one's personality and needs and tricking them into doing what you want them to do and making them believe they were the ones calling the shots, even though they wouldn't have made that choice if they were just asked. I mean - I am no master of manipulation myself, I am too young and too impulsive to be, but if manipulation spares us some pointless fight (and all of us that have been in a long terms relationship know how disturbing fights can get!), if both of us are happy at the end, why not just go for it now and then?
The question still remains: what do I need/want for B-day? Well - when it comes to need, I don't really miss anything at all, I mean, I have basically everything, I have to admit it, I am a spoiled little bitch. But since we're on it, I know what I want for my birthday: I want all 7 billions to stop whatever they are doing for a whole day and celebrate me! Not possible, ha!? What can I say, I am an attention junkie, basically the deal with me is give me attention and I will bring the world at your feet. Yet, I am an artist, a writer, a free spirit, so be careful because too much attention will make me feel just like an animal in a cage. Hm...now that I think about it - I guess being my boyfriend is a hell of a task, I respect and I love him for that.
What I want is everyone I care/ever cared about to stop for 20 seconds and wish me a happy birthday. Even though they just do it because of the facebook reminder ( if I was brave enough I would stop that!). Though a short text message/e-mail would make me fly :D.
And now I will just copy-pasted some unfinished post I wrote half a year ago, just so you guys can see what an awesome boyfriend I have to put up with such a fucked up girl. The post was named "things my dad says that I find absolutely charming."
1. Do you write with your left hand??? Don't tell me you are left handed!!! ( aaa daaa!!! It's not like I have been your daughter for the past almost 23 years).
2. I will bring you a sweater, you are cold, you are freezing!!! ( well, now that you've mentioned it, I do feel kind of cold, and I am way too stupid to know it, it's so good I have you to tell me!).
2. I will bring you a sweater, you are cold, you are freezing!!! ( well, now that you've mentioned it, I do feel kind of cold, and I am way too stupid to know it, it's so good I have you to tell me!).
3. Me, coming from the dentist, finally going to fix my wisedom freaking tooth that grew under the gum. Big boss says : Only now has your wisedom teeth grown??? It's ok, don't you worry, not anyone can be smart." (it's ok, my Iq is only higher than 98% of the world population and it's not like I spent 20 years to prove myself to you.)
4. Talking about some singers and football players: "You see, X senior was a singer/football player/etc., therefore X junior has also become a singer/football player/etc. This can only mean that your future is martial arts, there is no escaping from your path, your destiny!!!!"
5. "It is not possible for you to be left handed, stop fooling around, don't be silly!" Says the man who still uses his left hand sometimes, even though he tried his entire life to be right-handed, since being any different was a disgrace in the old beloved system. What do you mean, what system? The comunist one, of course!
6. At the end of June he says : your birthday is soon, in one and a half month. This goes together with "you are born on 29 August" and the much closer one " you are born on 28 of July". None of these statements are true and he doesn't say them just to tease me. Of course he would know it if he really really tried.
7. "I will come to Denmark, live with you, guys, start my on Qwan ki do club in Denmark as soon as you guys move to a bigger apartment." hmm....refresh my memory, when did I invite you? Cause I don't seem to remember, as far as I know, I moved 2500 km away from you. Faaaaaaar....
8. "If you had stayed in Bucharest, by now you would have finished your Bachelor. It would have been so nice. Just like your other colleagues. " equals = "Now you are just stupid 'cause you don't have a Bachelor degree and I am really disappointed in you."
9. "I really don't believe they let you cook. You are lying to me. You are just the girl doing the dishes." Because, you know, I am just too stupid. To cook. To do everything at all.
10. [I remind him of all those days when I was just a small kid and he took me out for martial arts training at -20 degrees and I would have to crawl in the snow and do push ups with my bare hands on the ice because, I quote, "this is how you become stronger!) When it was summer and there were 35-40 degrees I wasn't allowed to drink any water whatsoever for at least 3 hours of intense training just to become stronger. I tell him now I know why all the doctors I have seen have told me I (and all my organs!) suffer from severe dehydration, even though I now drink 3-4 liters/day. I tell him how fucked up I am in the head because every time I did something wrong ( and I really didn't, I was an example for others, very high grades, really) he would just scream like crazy. I remember he once screamed because I got a 10 minus. ] his reaction to all of these : It doesn't ring a bell, you're just crazy like your mum."
Aaaand look what Freud says. Great.
" I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."
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