From the inside

It's ok. Now I know. I didn't realize it before or maybe I just wanted to be blind, but the truth is that, indeed, I did put pression on you. Putting so much pressure on me you got hurt. People around me got hurt.
The fact is, the mistake was that I trusted you. Not that you actually did something to disappoint me. You were gentle. You care. You are a good person. That is why I realize right now that putting my trust in you was a way too big bargain even for a decent man like you. There are too many bad things that happened, too many so-called daddy issues that made me this way. The girl that gives everything, the girl that saves the day and at the end of the day she still blames herself even for things that were out of her control. You see, to even try to understand me would be a way too demanding job. Even for a decent men. There is nothing sweet about me. I am no hero, no exceptional girl. It's just that when I was five and I started kindergarden my dad said that anything lower that 10's is not allowed. He didn't just say it. He meant it. I am not good because I want to. I am not good because I care about things/people around me. I do care, maybe too much, but this obssesion of mine to do everything perfect is just really a daddy issue. At the end of the day I am alone. Only me and myself, drinking a beer, not having any satisfaction for doing 19 out of 20 things very good, but feeling so disappointed for having missed a single thing. So empty inside.