Yesterday I felt tired like never before; the day before I had a 12 and a half hour shift and then I had to wake up early in the morning to study. ( note to myself: apply for SU, it is almost impossible to be a full time student and also work 30 hours/week.) After school I went to work and the very first thing I hear is "Georgiana is very mad at me because I am making rolls." I mean - WTF?!?! I started shaking instantly and I asked Boyfriend: "ce mama ma-sii e asta?" , which basically means What the fuck is this? He told me what he always does when it is about this girl - take it easy, you know she got some issues - well, honey, the thing is when I feel my privacy is violated I turn into the most insane woman ever!
Do you know how they say about Danes that they are by far the most closed, private and introverted people there is in the world? Well - I wasn't aware of that until recently and frankly I was quite surprised. Foreigners are having a hard time to accomodate when coming here; Topics like "I feel like commiting suicide because I live in the most depressing country" on the Facebook forum "Romanians in Denmark" are being discussed; when you say Denmark first thing that comes to people' mind is closed; But if this is the case, how come I have never noticed this, how come I was never bothered by this??? The logical conclusion is that when it comes to privacy, I am more Danish than most Danes.
I value and enjoy privacy and solitude more than anything in the world. I enjoy sitting alone on a long train journey; not only I love shopping by myself, but I also feel highly unconfortable if I am to shop with someone else. I prefer reading or watching TV shows with my boyfriend on a Friday night than going out for wild night. One could think I am a "cave person", but this is definitely not true. I often find inspiration in social interactions, I often find myself excited about a conversation that I could go on for hours. Nevertheless, I highly value my "alone time" and there is nothing in this world I hate more than being forced to give up my privacy.
Which is exactly what happened yesterday. I know I don't have the happiest face ever, you know there are those people who one would think about them that they are happy even when they are miserable and there are us, people who are always being asked: "Why are you sad/angry?". It literally happened to me everyday in high school and if I would just say "I am fine", they would insist on questioning until I would become angry. It gave me the impression they wanted me to be angry, but later on I understood their intentions were honest; we live after all in a high context country, a country where whatever you choose to do, it is inadmissible to do it by yourself, where not only they would consider you odd if you choose to do things alone, but they would also insist on joining you. It's like they would tell you: "you are stupid, you want to do things is a collective, it's just that you don't know it!" Back in high school, I would try really hard to sneak out of the class room to go to toilet, but when one foot out of the door I would hear them: "what do you think you're doing?? Going to toilet without us? Wait, we are coming with you!" Pointless to say I had difficulty in urinating knowing they are right there waiting for me, I wonder how come they didn't insist on going in with me!
When I get to work and you take the liberty to assume and make this kind of statement, that I am mad because you were basically helping me, I see myself forced to tell you the reason I am actually sad/mad/tired( so you would understand it has nothing to do with you) and I hate being forced to spill out my personal matters. Another thing I heard recently about the Danes: despite feeling bad, they would usually smile and say everything is alright, well, in that aspect I am also as Danish as one could get; not only I find it inappropiate to share personal things with people who are not that close to me, but I also have a strong belief that complaining about things only make them worse. Moreover - my mother would always emphasize how important it is to be grateful for everything you have, so I can't stay mad or sad for long periods. So yes, I am tired all the time, but I have as much freedom as one can have : it is only up to me to decide what to do and if working too much is my choice, so be it. I see no reason to complain about it and making a clear statement that I am upset with you will only force me to tell you how exhausted I feel, which is something I would rather not.
I am tolerent and emphatic to the level I feel that people take advantage of me sometimes. Yesterday night I had a conversation with that co-worker and I totally put myself in her shoes and I completely understood the things she does( things that otherwise are reasonless almost all the time); later on when I talked to Boyfriend about it, I realised how silly was I to believe her, but still I couldn't convince myself to accept the things she said as lies. Silly me...
But - what she did was crossing my personal boundaries. But I understand her. She comes from an open society that values a lot the community spirit; your problems are everyone's problems seems to be one of the principles the high context countries are governed by. I understand and I respect that, but relationships - it doesn't matter which kind - cannot function well if the acceptance of differences comes from one side only. What she should understand is that Denmark is almost on the top of low context countries, which means Danes love their privacy and that even though coming from a rather high context culture myself, I find myself to be exactly how the Danes are. So - accept that I want to keep personal things to myself, ask me if I am ok instead of pushing me like this; understand there are people out there who simply don't like being pressured to share things; this is what respect is after all and respect is the one thing societies - at least modern ones - cannot survive without.
Do you know how they say about Danes that they are by far the most closed, private and introverted people there is in the world? Well - I wasn't aware of that until recently and frankly I was quite surprised. Foreigners are having a hard time to accomodate when coming here; Topics like "I feel like commiting suicide because I live in the most depressing country" on the Facebook forum "Romanians in Denmark" are being discussed; when you say Denmark first thing that comes to people' mind is closed; But if this is the case, how come I have never noticed this, how come I was never bothered by this??? The logical conclusion is that when it comes to privacy, I am more Danish than most Danes.
I value and enjoy privacy and solitude more than anything in the world. I enjoy sitting alone on a long train journey; not only I love shopping by myself, but I also feel highly unconfortable if I am to shop with someone else. I prefer reading or watching TV shows with my boyfriend on a Friday night than going out for wild night. One could think I am a "cave person", but this is definitely not true. I often find inspiration in social interactions, I often find myself excited about a conversation that I could go on for hours. Nevertheless, I highly value my "alone time" and there is nothing in this world I hate more than being forced to give up my privacy.
Which is exactly what happened yesterday. I know I don't have the happiest face ever, you know there are those people who one would think about them that they are happy even when they are miserable and there are us, people who are always being asked: "Why are you sad/angry?". It literally happened to me everyday in high school and if I would just say "I am fine", they would insist on questioning until I would become angry. It gave me the impression they wanted me to be angry, but later on I understood their intentions were honest; we live after all in a high context country, a country where whatever you choose to do, it is inadmissible to do it by yourself, where not only they would consider you odd if you choose to do things alone, but they would also insist on joining you. It's like they would tell you: "you are stupid, you want to do things is a collective, it's just that you don't know it!" Back in high school, I would try really hard to sneak out of the class room to go to toilet, but when one foot out of the door I would hear them: "what do you think you're doing?? Going to toilet without us? Wait, we are coming with you!" Pointless to say I had difficulty in urinating knowing they are right there waiting for me, I wonder how come they didn't insist on going in with me!
When I get to work and you take the liberty to assume and make this kind of statement, that I am mad because you were basically helping me, I see myself forced to tell you the reason I am actually sad/mad/tired( so you would understand it has nothing to do with you) and I hate being forced to spill out my personal matters. Another thing I heard recently about the Danes: despite feeling bad, they would usually smile and say everything is alright, well, in that aspect I am also as Danish as one could get; not only I find it inappropiate to share personal things with people who are not that close to me, but I also have a strong belief that complaining about things only make them worse. Moreover - my mother would always emphasize how important it is to be grateful for everything you have, so I can't stay mad or sad for long periods. So yes, I am tired all the time, but I have as much freedom as one can have : it is only up to me to decide what to do and if working too much is my choice, so be it. I see no reason to complain about it and making a clear statement that I am upset with you will only force me to tell you how exhausted I feel, which is something I would rather not.
I am tolerent and emphatic to the level I feel that people take advantage of me sometimes. Yesterday night I had a conversation with that co-worker and I totally put myself in her shoes and I completely understood the things she does( things that otherwise are reasonless almost all the time); later on when I talked to Boyfriend about it, I realised how silly was I to believe her, but still I couldn't convince myself to accept the things she said as lies. Silly me...
But - what she did was crossing my personal boundaries. But I understand her. She comes from an open society that values a lot the community spirit; your problems are everyone's problems seems to be one of the principles the high context countries are governed by. I understand and I respect that, but relationships - it doesn't matter which kind - cannot function well if the acceptance of differences comes from one side only. What she should understand is that Denmark is almost on the top of low context countries, which means Danes love their privacy and that even though coming from a rather high context culture myself, I find myself to be exactly how the Danes are. So - accept that I want to keep personal things to myself, ask me if I am ok instead of pushing me like this; understand there are people out there who simply don't like being pressured to share things; this is what respect is after all and respect is the one thing societies - at least modern ones - cannot survive without.
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