I had today an intense conversation with my mum and my aunt about Mr. Right and men in general and, as it usually happens, good thoughts come only after the discussion is over. Since I find men quite a controversial and interesting topic, I will take this post to write my reflections on men and relationships.
1. First and most important - NEVER CHASE A MAN! I can't emphasize enough how many tears and how much wasted time this rule saves you from. I know - you are probably like myself: one of those girls who have been told all their lifes by their mothers/teachers/shrinks/glossy magazines,etc that they could persue everything they want, that the sky is not the limit. Follow your dream wherever it may lead you, right? Or, like one of my favorite songs says, dream on, dream on, dream on, dream until your dreams come true!!! Set high expectations, never settle for less, you can get everything that you want! I truly appreciate mothers who raise their daughters like this, without themq the emancipation of women might have not happened yet; Nevertheless, I wished my mother taught me that, unlike careers, jobs, cars, houses, men have their own will power and your simple desire is no longer sufficient. Never chase a man - a happy-ending is unlikely and you will learn that the more you try, the less likely you are to succeed. So what do I do if I am truly/madly/deeply in love with him? you might ask me and I totally understand that the urge to jump all over him and call him 1000 times/day is simply overwhelming, I've been there. And since I know how it is to feel your fingers have a mind of their own and they just can't stop typing to the poor guy, I will spare you from bullshit like "be strong, hold yourself!" and I will give you some things that actually work.
2) Don't hide your feelings (unless he is taken already, in that case you either make a full of yourself or you become a home wrecker, not cool) What I have learned is that despite trying really hard to promote a "macho" image, most men are just as insecure as us. What my boyfriend told me on the first day we spoke was "I believe women have the real power, our fate is in your hands." As sweet as he was, he was also right: Men and women depend on each other and when dependable on something, a lot of insecurities arise. Go tell him you like him, maybe it's mutual and he is just too shy! (it can happen, seriously!!! If we fought for equal rights, we should also approach men!)
3) He served you the: "no way, you're an wonderful girl, but I am just not available right now, it's not you, it's me!" crap and you are of course smart enough to know it's bullshit? Well - what you do next is plain and simple:
4) YOU CRY!!! There is basically no magic cure to get over a man, going to the mall with all your girlfriend to spend all your cash on things you will never use will not help; eating tons of icecream will only make you fat and take you off the market. The truth is he is still there in your thoughts, no matter how hard you try. What's different is that now you know he doesn't want you. This knowledge - even though you wish you hadn't learned that and you would still be in your pink princess world - is the powerful tool - the only one! - that will help you recover fast. You might not be aware of it, but the human mind is brilliant: once it knows there is no possible materialization of your desires, it will save you time and further suffering by letting it go. You eat your confort food while crying a river, but the truth is your mind has moved on from the moment it accepted there is no hope.
The days will go and soon you will realise he is just a memory, you will be over him so fast that you will ask yourself if you truly loved him. Well, you did, but loving without hope is a way too devastating task for the mind to perform, it is an unrealistic thing to do in this world. The human brain will therefore protect itself. Tell me - have you ever known a human being who has been in love with another one hopelessly for years? I know of movie and book characters, no humans...
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