Current mood: I want to crawl under my blanket

 Current mood: I want to crawl under my blanket, cuddle with my dog, and simply pretend I don’t exist.

I can fake it until I make it. Simply vanish into thin air. Fade away until I become a distant memory.

This is not a suicidal thought. It’s a simple state of mind.

It’s a sunny autumn day outside, and I can’t enjoy it. I am wearing the warmest sweater, yet I am chilled to the bones.

And all I want to do is turn off my phone and crawl under my blanket.

I’m turned off. Emotionally.

Emotionally, I’m nothing. When it becomes too much, I simply shut everything down.

When it becomes too much, I become nothing.

I’m not sad, angry, or disappointed. I’m numb. Nothing hurts.

I have no desires. Today, I couldn’t even smoke. Tried one cigarette, felt nothing.

And I am drained. I am tired of apologizing for being too much. For feeling too much. I won’t apologize again for that.

Maybe it’s you who feels too little.

I feel a lot. Everything. Then, I overheat. Then, I shut down. That’s the process. If we’re lucky enough, I will reboot.

But right now, I want to crawl under my blanket, cuddle with my dog, and simply pretend I don’t exist.

I could fade away until I become a distant memory.